WELL, HELLO THERE

I am so over counting how long I've abandoned this digital canvas, but I'm not over saying how I'm too busy to update this... only because I really am.

It's the start of June and I've been struggling on one end of this really long string, and enjoying life at the other. Tying the knot at the middle to balance these two sides is what I'm tryna do. Wow, deep shit there, Trace. You sure you're ok?

I did some self-reflection the other day and the thoughts has been haunting me. Since I can't explicitly explain the "bad" stuff of what's happening in my professional life (for obvious reasons (Google is everyone's best friends)), I'll skip that part (which I am 110% will regret for not penning this down because you and I both know I have Dory's memory).

Let's flashback to 2012 when I saw a simple ad on some pillar at a rundown shopping mall beside my University that says "VACANCY: GRAPHIC DESIGNER PART TIME". Gosh, I remembered I wanted to jump on that offer so bad. I went over to their little shop; They're a small team of 5 creating wedding cards, consisting of 3 middle-aged owners, 2 young graphic designers. Key takeaway here are 3 owners; THREE. It was a walk-in interview and I remembered panicking a little because I only had one skill and that was Photoshop. It wasn't top-tier Photoshop skills, but it was a strong basic I would say. I mean, I had the program back when I was in High School, me having the curiosity to fiddle around with it is a God-given blessing itself.

I panicked because the little test for the Graphic Designer part time role was to create a map (ones that you'll see on the back of a cheap-ass wedding invite) with an example given... with Illustrator. WITH ILLUSTRATOR. Now, at the time, I only had the program back home for about a month and hadn't got time to play around with it. Thinking to fake it till I make it, I sat down and REALLY tried to create the damn map.

I remembered clicking here and there with the mouse, after drawing a line and then accidentally make 10 copies of the same lines (exaggeration, but yeah). Tbf, I did mention I was only 'good' at Photoshop. Give me Photoshop and I can create that goddamn map in no time. Of course at the time I didn't know terms like vector or things like that, where if I did anything in Illustrator, it could be resized to a humongous size and yada yada, complete opposite to Photoshop. Well, it's called PHOTOshop for a reason.

At the end, they had to think about taking me in. That itself gave me so much hope lol. I wanted and was obsessed to get experience in any art related job / course. For some goddamn reason, I can't take an elective subject pertaining to anything because my University sucks balls. I'm still mad to this day. I could've just paid more to get myself into one semester in Graphic Design class, but NO. They don't do that. I'M STILL MAD AND I ADMIT IT.

It doesn't help that I'm stuck in some business course because I couldn't afford a full art / design course. Many come up to me bewildered asking the same thing "Why aren't you in Design school again???" Three question marks, that's how confused they are. Flash back to the day I got a First-class Degree in my Marketing course (surprise surprise) which means I get exempted from paying back my student loans. If only I did that with a GD course, I COULD have essentially be exempted from paying my GD course loan and only be responsible for all the art materials I gotta purchase for that course. Right now, I'm just a vessel of if only's, maybe's and what if's.

Back to my story; they called maybe, a few days later. It was a messy phone call. Remember the 3 owners? The call started with, "yeah sure we'll hire you" and then at the back 2 of 'em were discussing with the one on the phone and then it went "hold on" and more talking at the back. And then ended with "No, no we're not hiring". Uh...

Ok. Well I'm not mad about this I'm honestly more mad that I couldn't add any GD-related classes to my list of subjects. Imagine working there LOL? 3 heads telling you what to do, AT THE SAME TIME? It's not like I'm glad I didn't join this, but I'm glad I wasn't like sad, sad that I didn't "made it". It would have been a cool story bro moment though, like "Oh yeah started from the bottom, at a local wedding invite design store". Anyway, I got a few weeks later as an Art Instructor near my place, which I'm still working at part-time till today. I insisted to get a job in this Art industry to somehow show the world that I'm serious about this. I know I wasn't privileged enough to be learning this in some high-accredited institutions like The One Academy or Lim Kok Wing, or whatever art school there is out there. But to show I DO have passion for anything art/design related that, that itself pushed me to learn these Adobe programs, and that this "fire" hasn't burned out to this day.

In that same year, I vowed to learn Illustrator because seeing that graphic designer so fast and quick on that program when drawing a simple ass map made me look bad lol. In that same year, I created Illustrations that I put up for sale two years later. They say it's not that good to be so involved in every area because then you won't be focused / a master in one; but I never learn. To this day, I am a walking (self-proclaimed) art enthusiast and I cannot not just drop what has become of my hobbies: Sketching, drawing, digital illustrations, typography, calligraphy, watercolour, photography, graphic design -- posters, logos, flyers, branding; and let's add in guitar, ukulele, piano and programming in that mix too. All these are what I can be proud of personally even if people don't see it yet, because it was my self-initiative that made me learn these things.

Flash forward to 2014, is when I uploaded my digital illustrations to the public for sale on Society6.com/itstracyy (cool plug bro). I've got little engagement on there, it's not anyone's fault but mine. In order to get more likes and possible sale, you've got to be active on there commenting on work by other artist's and the same will be done to yours. But... as said in the second paragraph of this post, "I'm too busy".

Flash forward to today, I'm a full timer at a local Company, shy of 8 months. I write, illustrate digital pieces, done photography, and created UI for clients as well. I wouldn't say I'm a Sifu of Photoshop and Illustrator now but boy I can tell you it's a explicitly drastic 4 years or so difference between then and now -- From not being able to draw simple maps to illustrations like these.

And if that's nothing to be proud of myself, I don't know what is.

I know I'll never get to be professionally called a Graphic Designer or a Designer alone or anything of the sort, but to be able to hone my craft and deliver, is satisfying for me. For now.

But hanging on mid-2016? Yeah, I am but I'm not letting go.

Labels: art, random